


things Trager is not allowed to do at Mount Massive Asylum

by orphan_account



Category: Outlast (Video Games)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-27
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-03 20:59:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2887727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>exactly what it says on the tin™</p><p>(comment section is open for suggestions)</p>
            </blockquote>





	things Trager is not allowed to do at Mount Massive Asylum

**Author's Note:**

> shamelessly inspired by the Dr. Bright list over at the SCP foundation site

  1. Calling your office "the fun dungeon"   
  

  2. Taking patients on bus trips. No, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is not a validated scientific experiment   
  

  3. Shouting "for science!" before doing something does not automatically mean it's for science  
  

  4. Scattering Wernicke's cats about in the asylum  
It does not matter if it's Las Poladas. The patients will believe you when you say the cats are piñatas and that there's candy inside  
Jesus christ Rick, there were cat guts everywhere. No, it doesn't even matter if it was a memorial to your 12th birthday party!  
  

  5. Eating friend chicken in front of Manera's cell going _mmm, crunchy baby leg_  

  6. Interrupt buisness meetings screaming Walrider  
  

  7. Going anywhere screaming Walrider  
  

  8. The freezers in the cafeteria are for food, not body parts  
  

  9. Replacing the Morphogenic Engine audio with Beethoven's 9th or any song by Nicki Minaj  
  

  10. Replacing the Morphogenic Engine video with pornographic movies  
  

  11. Variant group therapy will not happen  
nor will Variant yoga sessions with Steve  
nor Variant speed dating  
  

  12. Referring to himself as daddy  
  

  13. Referring to Jeremy Blaire as mommy  
  

  14. Posting classified information on 4chan  
  

  15. Selling "organic" backscratchers   
  

  16. Showing The Room to Eddie Gluskin  
  

  17. "Bone shears" is not the answer to everything  
nor is "bigger bone shears"  
"bone shear guns" do not exist and no Murkoff will not make them for you  
  

  18. Personnel with lower ranked security levels are not to be called:  
minions  
peasants  
red shirts  
daddy's little children  
  

  19. Coming in contact with Eddie Gluskin  
  

  20. YOLO is not an excuse  
  

  21. Sending out emails to families of patients that there's a special "buy two get one!" sale on lobotomies   
  

  22. Continue doing the "let me lend you a hand" joke. Where did the arm even come from?   
  

  23. Leaving the room saying he has to return some video tapes  
  

  24. Asking Blaire if he's remembered to return some video tapes  
  

  25. Cuddle therapy does not exist here, and even if it did why the fuck did you assign Andrew as group leader  
  

  26. Convincing new staff that Chris Walker thinks he's in a musical and the only way to communicate things to him is to sing them  
  

  27. ~~Replacing Father Martin's fingerpaint with blood citing budget cuts~~  ok that's actually a good idea  
  

  28. Arranging bowing night. Those were NOT bowling balls.  
  

  29. Arranging movie night and squeezing ten doctors into the Morphogenic Engine room  
  

  30. Arranging visits from local kindergartens  
  

  31. Arranging wheelchair races using patients for betting purposes  
  

  32. Arranging anything  
  

  33. We're aware you enjoy Patch Adams, but we're not going to add _the healing power of laughter_ to our list of theraphy techniques   
  

  34. Coming in contact with anyone under the age of 18  
  

  35. Claiming that "a stripper a day keeps the doctor away"   
  

  36. Stealing from the drugs cabinet to get high  
  

  37. Getting high to avoid paperwork  
  

  38. Not everything scientific requires testing, especially not "but are we _completely_ sure this patient has a heart, hmm?"  
  

  39. Giving Billy Hope t shirts, especially not ones that say WHERE THE BITCHES AT  
  

  40. Yes, creative pursuits are encouraged within the facility. No, this does not mean you can arrange competitions like "build the biggest meat dragon"  
  

  41. Designing a Hannibal Lecter mask to Frank Manera and bribe him to start therapy sessions saying "Hello Clarice" and making that horrible slurping noise  
  

  42. Distributing organs to the black market or "the highest bidder"  
  

  43. Drunk dialling freelance journalists  
  

  44. Making coworkers bet anything, especially not organs or firstborn children  
  

  45. Using your highly protected work phone to order takeaway food, sext or "win Bangladeshi princesses"  
  

  46. Using terms like  
cutty cutty  
snippy snippy  
killy killy  
  

  47. Singing "I have a dream"  
  

  48. Singing anything  
  

  49. Dancing  
  

  50. Calling your penis as "the dream"




End file.
